Showing love on Valentine’s Day by embracing disability

• Valentine’s Day is a time when love and intimacy are celebrated with fervor.
• In particular, people with disabilities face discrimination and obstacles when seeking love, affection and sexual fulfillment.
• Our team has undertaken a comprehensive series of interviews with individuals living with disabilities, delving into their personal journeys with love, romance and sexuality.

Stereotypes about disability and sexuality

• Individuals with disabilities frequently confront a multitude of stereotypes that limit their opportunities to form intimate relationships and have sex.
• These perceptions can deeply affect their experiences and how society treats the topic of disability and sexuality.
• This view unfairly categorizes people with disability as a “danger” to the community, fostering unnecessary fear and discrimination.

Being told to wait

• Infantilization often means people with disabilities are told to wait and delay their engagement in any romantic or sexual experiences.
• For instance, Randy, a 39-year-old man with a mental disability, told us he was advised not to pursue intimate relationships.
• Often, people with disabilities, especially those with intellectual disabilities, are told to wait.

Sex education inaccessible and inadequate

• In ensuring individuals are informed about their options in terms of sex, sexuality and gender, sex education is often where these conversations begin.
• Unfortunately sex education is often delivered in inaccessible and ineffective ways to people with disabilities, particularly those who are 2SLGBTQ+.
• Sex education is often delivered in ways that focus on heterosexual and cisgender experiences.

2SLGBTQ+ disabled people being left behind

• Individuals with disabilities who are also 2SLGBTQ+ often find themselves facing multiple forms of discrimination, including ableism, homophobia and transphobia.
• Yet, our interviews with 2SLGBTQ+ adults with developmental and/or intellectual disabilities reveal not just the barriers these individuals face but also their profound resilience and desire for love.
• For instance Tracey, a 19-year-old gender fluid person, said:
  “I just wish there were more like spaces where disabled people could also enter because you know, when you also think of like, people who are physically disabled, they can’t go out clubbing.

Disabled activists push back

• It’s a fitting moment to reflect on how everyone desires to love and be loved.
• The work of disabled activists like Andrew Gurza, host of the podcast Disability after Dark, and Eva Sweeney, creator of Cripping up Sex with Eva, is particularly illuminating.
• Their efforts highlight a critical message: The more we talk about it, the less of a taboo topic it becomes.

Alan Santinele Martino receives funding from the Canadian Institutes of Health Research.