Machiavellianism

• You won’t get paid for the extra hours but you’ve been assured there will be kudos from senior management.
• A Machiavellian personality is self-serving, opportunistic and ambitious – traits that can help them attain positions of power and status.
• Working for a Machiavellian boss is likely to be infuriating, stressful and bad for your mental health.
• By understanding what drives this personality, and how it differs from the other “dark personality traits”, you can limit the fallout.

Origins of Machiavellianism

• Niccolo Machiavelli (1469–1527) was a diplomat in Florence during a period of power struggle involving the powerful Medici family.
• When the Medicis returned to rule the city in 1512 after almost two decades in exile, he was briefly imprisoned and then banished.
• “The lion cannot protect himself from traps,” it says, “and the fox cannot defend himself from wolves.

Joining the ‘Dark Triad’

• However, while the three traits are lumped together due to their antisocial qualities, there are important differences.
• Narcissism is a set of traits as well as a personality disorder, characterised by egoism, self-absorption and the need to feel superior to others.
• Psychopathy is also a diagnosable personality disorder, defined by lack of empathy or conscience.
• The boss who assures you they have your best interests at heart might just be telling you what you want to believe.

How to deal with a Machiavellian boss

• A Machiavellian boss may seek to manipulate
  with flattery or bullying, promising reward or threatening punishment.
• So how to deal with a Machiavellian boss?
• The first lesson is to be clear about what drives a Machiavellian personality.
• You can’t trust a Machiavellian, and need to deal with them cautiously.
• But distrusting your boss and operating with a “strike before the other does” mindset will, if you’re a relatively normal person, be emotionally draining.

• Just as you begin, a colleague sighs and shares an eye-roll with their buddy.
• This type of incivility doesn’t quite rise to the level where you can complain to human resources and expect a satisfying resolution.
• But incivility – being less severe and more difficult to prove – tends to fly under the radar.
• Most of us will experience incivility at some point at work.

Why are people rude to each other?

• Certainly such behaviour is much more likely from people with dysfunctional personality traits, especially the “dark triad” of narcissism, psychopathy and Machiavellianism.
• Incivility can therefore become a vicious spiral that turns victims and bystanders into perpetrators.
• Read more:
  What Jeremy Clarkson taught us about incivility in the workplace

Incivility in the workplace

• We’re social creatures and learn what’s expected and acceptable from those we look up to.
• Incivility is most harmful when it comes from a supervisor: someone we’re supposed to trust, who’s supposed to look after us.
• With the capacity for one individual to make life a misery for many colleagues, this leadership failure can lead to a toxic workplace culture.

Authentic leadership ‘in the trenches’

• With colleagues Stephen Teo and David Pick, I’ve surveyed 230 nurses across Australia about the leadership qualities that help reduce incivility.
• Our research shows that authentic leadership promotes workplace cultures with less incivility and better well-being.
• Such authentic leaders are aware of their own strengths and weaknesses, act on their values even under pressure, and work to understand how their leadership affects others.

What can you do?

• If this is happening to you, or others in your workplace, avoiding it won’t help you or your colleagues.
• Putting up with incivility is emotionally taxing, entrenches feelings of resentment and will likely lead to bigger conflicts down the track.
• One approach recommended by psychologists when dealing with high-conflict personalities is known as the BIFF technique: be brief, informative, friendly and firm.
• You don’t have to go at it alone either: consider inviting colleagues who can support you, and your claims.
• If your manager is the perpetrator, contact your HR department first (if your organisation has one) or else your union.

• He insults them, pits them against each other and can be cold or menacing.
• Despite the years of torment, the Roy children clearly crave their father’s approval.
• The show highlights a struggle some adult children face: the need for approval from an abusive parent.

Attachment anxiety

• Studies into parent-child relationships based in attachment theory (a widely researched theory of human bonding) suggest the need for approval is a feature of people who experience an insecure attachment style known as attachment anxiety.
• According to attachment theory, attachment anxiety can develop when the care provided by parents or guardians early in life is inept or inconsistent.

Inept or inconsistent care

• Inept care is when a parent provides some type of help, but the care provided does not meet the needs of the child.
• Instead, the parent provides sympathy and says the task is too hard for the child.
• Inconsistent care is when the parent sometimes provides care that meets the child’s needs, triggering happiness or relief in the child.

Parenting and the dark traits

• Research into the dark traits suggests those who score high on these qualities lack emotional warmth, act in hostile ways, and exert control over their children.
• Our own work has shown people can act this way because their own parents were hostile towards them some 20 years prior.

Intergenerational transmission

• For some parents, however, engaging in inept and inconsistent care is not driven by conscious motivations to manipulate and hurt their children.
• This is an example of intergenerational transmission, where patterns of attachment and parenting can be passed from one generation to the next.

A ‘partial reinforcement schedule’

• Irrespective of the reason, the fallout of inept or inconsistent caregiving is that children are placed on what’s known as a partial reinforcement schedule.
• Because of this partial reinforcement schedule, children work harder to gain the attention and love of their parents.

How can we break the spell?

• Therapies with a strong relational focus can be especially useful in working through issues such as a chronic need for approval.
• Schema therapy aims to help people understand why they have such a strong need for approval.
• It can help to write a pros and cons list about how the need for approval affects your life.
• If this article has raised issues for you, or if you’re concerned about someone you know, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.