Friend breakups: why they can sometimes feel as bad as falling out of love
Though we tend to think of bad breakups as the end of romantic relationships, losing a friend – especially one who has been close to you – can be just as hard.
- Though we tend to think of bad breakups as the end of romantic relationships, losing a friend – especially one who has been close to you – can be just as hard.
- In a recent session of a personal development group I run, several participants in their 20s and 30s got talking about being dumped by a friend.
- Most thought things were okay, then received a long text in which the friend explained they were unhappy and wanted no further contract.
- This is part of our genetic design, readying us to grow up and build adult lives independent of our parents.
- This article is part of Quarter Life, a series about issues affecting those of us in our 20s and 30s.
- The articles in this series explore the questions and bring answers as we navigate this turbulent period of life.
- Research shows that the most common method of ending a friendship is by avoidance – not addressing the issues involved.
Why friendships break up
- A serious romantic relationship or starting a family means the time and focus given to the friendship will naturally decrease.
- Friendships don’t have to end over changes like this, if you can try to empathise with what your friend is going through rather than judging them or taking it personally.
- Long friendships will naturally go through fluctuations, so it’s normal if sometimes you feel closer and other times further apart.
- This can cause your feelings of closeness to suffer.
- Even worse, the friend could try to make you feel bad about yourself – guilt-tripping you for developing other relationships or interests.
How to cope
- You can help yourself get through such waves by practising diaphragmatic breathing, which is evidenced to reduce stress.
- Discussing the situation with someone else can help, and might allow you to see what you can learn from it.
- When coping with any type of breakup, traits of resilience (optimism, self-esteem and grit) will help you adapt.
Sonja Falck does not work for, consult, own shares in or receive funding from any company or organisation that would benefit from this article, and has disclosed no relevant affiliations beyond their academic appointment.